For a child raised in the suburbs, Halloween is more than just about maximizing the high fructose corn syrup in your system, it’s about learning valuable lessons. Not overt lessons, mind you–just subtle steps in the American acculturation process. Here’s a sampling of what one can learn from All Hallows Eve:
Lesson #1: First impressions count. Most Halloween door answerers aren’t stupid. Based on anticipated door traffic, they’ve budgeted the appropriate amount of candy to last from the afternoon toddlers to the annoying teenagers that show up at the end of the evening dressed up as…teenagers. While their bowl of treats is carefully meted out, there’s some play in distribution. A dimpled princess or extra charming cowboy might just earn a second Mars bar. The best way to earn bonus Halloween riches? Be punctual, have a cute costume, and really sell, “trick or treat.” This is the same advice I would give someone applying for job: be on time, dress appropriately, and speak clearly. Think of Halloween as building good job interview skills.
Lesson #2: The American Dream is alive and well. By the time you’re in third grade you’ve learned the most important Halloween truth: the more houses you hit, the more candy you get. Office politics may dictate promotions, but on October 31st hard work is measurably and tangibly rewarded. And while your local government may redistribute the wealth (Dad steals your gummi bears), the trick-or-treater retains the lion’s share of the profits. You may see witches and goblins; I see future capitalists.
Lesson #3: Halloween teaches kids about real estate. As a child, your real estate knowledge consists of playing Monopoly and owning doll houses. But at Halloween you start to make some pretty important evaluations about the real estate market and the value of different houses. Kids learn quickly that the house with no lights on equals no candy. Consider it the first lesson in curb appeal. Secondly, as you progress into your trick-or-treating career, you learn which houses are traditionally more rewarding than others. You know who on the block gives out full size Snickers and who doles out sugarless gum. The savvy Halloween veteran may even leave his neighborhood to find a “better” neighborhood where they give out “a better class” of candy. Location, location, location.
Some teachers decry Halloween for the toll it takes on learning. The day after is not a great teaching day with many students recovering from sugar highs or just plain tired. While teachers may feel that students aren’t learning their lessons on November 1st, they can rest assured there was plenty learned the night before.
