Signs of the Times

Graduation season is upon us and with it balloon bouquets, commencement speeches, and the funniest messages that can fit on a mortarboard. Parents and grandparents will be invited to pre-school “moving up” ceremonies complete with Pomp and Circumstance and 4-year olds dressed in extra small caps and gowns. It’s been noted by many that we should save the pageantry for finishing high school and college. As Bob Parr notes in The Incredibles, “It’s not a graduation. He’s moving from the fourth grade to the fifth grade.” That movie was released in 2004 and our promotion of promotion has gotten even worse. Now, in addition to principal-signed certificates, Facebook posts, and cash-filled leis, we now have to declare our children’s academic status in the front yard.

You’ve seen the signs: “Congratulations McKayla! Garfield Elementary class of 2022!” I’m sure these existed pre-pandemic, but COVID definitely accelerated the use of these signs. Which makes sense, these kids lost out on a lot of school experiences and commemorating their lost milestones made perfect sense. But with the fifth grade choir queued up to sing “A Moment Like This” live from the risers, is this notification still necessary?  Why must it be shouted from the vantage point of our drought-tolerant landscaping? McKayla knows she’s finishing fifth grade. Her parents know she’s finishing fifth grade. And now the gardener knows McKayla’s finishing fifth grade. 

The phenomenon isn’t isolated to McKayla’s house. Our front yard has been adorned with a number of status updates. Chase finishing fifth grade. Ryan making Little League all-stars. Even a couple of birthdays have been commemorated in corrugated cardboard. Anyone walking their dog by our house can stay up-to-date on the milestones in our family. And then the requisite photo is posted to social media, just in case not all our friends had a chance to walk their dog outside our house. 

Remember the “My kid is on the honor roll” bumper stickers? I guess since metal bumpers and bumper stickers aren’t really utilized anymore, bragging about our kids has moved from the car to the flower bed. Although, I guarantee you that right now, there is a Chrysler Pacifica driving around your town with all the names of a U10 all-star softball team scrawled across all the windows in colorful acrylic paint. (McKayla is not only a good student, she’s a pretty good shortstop.)

One by-product to consider is these signs create another thing that we have to store and have. It’s another version of “How long do I have to keep this greeting card?” Twenty years from now, Jenni and I will be downsizing, and I’ll be texting Chase to remind  him to come pick up his Lake Elementary fifth grade sign or it’s going in the trash. Currently it lives next to Jenni’s collection of watercolors created during wine and paint nights. 

At that time, I assume the yard sign celebrations will extend to the even more mundane and/or not so obvious reasons to celebrate in adulthood. When adult Chase comes to pick up his yard signs, there might be a “Congratulations Steve on your knee replacement!” or “A New Medicare Enrollee lives here!” gracing our yard. The hyperbole is intentional, but is Bob Parr correct? Have we gone too far to celebrate the non-exceptional? 

Who knows? Maybe middle school was incredibly challenging for COVID or non-COVID reasons, and getting to the finish line feels like a big deal. Might not be my cup of tea, but my wife and kids seem to enjoy the cheap press. At the very least, yard signage falls under the First Amendment umbrella, so if you want to put your son or daughter’s academic resume on the front yard, have at it. 

A friend of ours observed there’s way more to parenting now than when we were kids. He wasn’t even talking about the Internet, social media, or smartphones. He was referring to the increased rituals and pageantry around holidays and kids’ accomplishments. Our parents never had to make leprechaun traps or choreograph elaborate elf on the shelf scenes. My mother never sported a button on her jacket with my Little League picture, and I certainly never received flowers for the last day of school. The yard signage is yet another penance for us incredibly self-sufficient former latch key kids that as parents keep inventing ways to express our love for our children.

Someday McKayla & Chase will be married in a lovely backyard ceremony. We’ll provide notification in the front yard to let everyone know. Who knows what parenting practices will be en vogue when the newly married couple has children? I’m guessing video sonograms will be made into TikToks that will be played on a screen outside their house. And why shouldn’t they? That’s my future grandson, and with some hard work and perseverance, he just may graduate from fourth grade someday.